You know you have UC or Crohn’s when:
1.)When you travel, your meds have their own suitcase.
2.)At the superbowl party, you won the prize for ' most wicked fart' and you were just setting out the dip.
3.)You were thrilled to have had 'only' 5 bm's today.
4.)You think 'poo fishing' is perfectly sensible.
5.)you carry a spare pair of undies with you everywhere you go
6.)you've stopped to crap on the side of the road with your inlaws in the car
7.)you wonder how much crap can come out of one person!
8.)you're happy when you have a big loud burp because you're thankful it's not coming out the other end!
9.)One BM per day makes you want to stand up and shout "hip hip hooray!"
10.)Everyone is your GI's office knows your name without looking on the chart or the sign in sheet.
11.)The Lab techs tell you that they are going to name their next lab machine in honor of their best customer.
12.)You call your insurance company and their Customer service rep pauses....and then says that you've got a lot of claims so this might take a while.
13.)Your Morning workout is a Sprint to the bathroom
14.)You have 3 different sizes of the same clothes.
15.)You are in Remission and just appreciate the little things in life that you overlooked before you had UC or Crohn’s.
16.)You know every bathroom where you work, and everyone knows where you are headed when you say...."I'll be right back" with a funny look on your face.
17.)Your colon gurgles and its so loud that everyone around you asks if you are hungry.
18.)Truck stop bathrooms don't even Phase you.
19.)You know where the bathroom is everywhere you go
20.)You have your GI on speed dial
21.)When you carry your own toilet paper.
22.)When you bring your own food for just you to a holiday party
23.)When your friends keep asking you "Can you eat this?"
24.)When you look at every ingredient on everything you eat
25.)When you're always the designated driver
26.)When you keep all your books in the bathroom next to the toilet
27.)When you think you should buy stock in wet wipes
28.)When you order three months of meds and they come in a box so big your neighbors think you got a new TV.
29.)You are the youngest patient in your Gi's office.
30.)Your GP runs because he thinks you are a hypocondriac. He then gives you a free flu shot because he is tired of referrels.
31.)You count your movements...
32.)You regularly stock the bathroom with extra rolls of Toilet paper
33.)If you read all of these posts and laugh because they sound "just like you"....
34.)You are better at describing the intricacies of poo than wine.
35.)The word stool NEVER refers to something to sit or stand on.
36.)You wonder if that's really going to be a fart.
37.)You can say, "It's not the colonoscopy that's bad, it's the PREP!"
38.)Your Dr. says "how many times are you going?" and never "turn your head and cough
39.)when you buy TP in bulk and the cashier thinks it's because you run a day care center.
40.)You have read every magazine or paper in your bathroom so many times, that you start reading the ingredient lists on toothpaste, gel, shampoo and anything else you can get your hands on without getting off the toilet........
41.)Talking about your BMs normally happens at dinner
42.)You have a standard answer when anyone asks, "What's UC or Crohn’s?"
43.)You go to pick up the *evil* Prep at the pharmacy and the pharmacist, who is about your age, says, "I'm sorry."
44.)You can tell your parents that a colonscopy isn't a big deal.
45.)You are on a first name basis with your GI.
46.)you start to furnish your bathroom
47.) you're thankful big purses are in style so you can carry your pill organizer with you.
48.)when your kid knows to ask you if you're going No 1 or No 2 so he knows how long he has to wait for you.
49.)when you get SICK of people asking you "How are you feeling?".
50.)when you go to your son's basketball game and a parent comes up to ask if you want a chair to sit on so you don't have to sit on the bleachers because they are so hard.
51.)you undue your belt and zipper before you even enter the bathroom.
52.)you go house or apartment hunting and you are only interested in the number and location of bathrooms.
53.)You have a pill count contest with your grandmother
54.)When you go to the pharmacy and they greet you by your first name and they know which prescriptions you want filled without looking in the computer.
55.)When you go to your MIL's house for dinner and she sets aside a special onion/veggie free dish just for you.
56.)When you tell your kids that you're not feeling well today and they know what you're talking about.
57.)When seeing blood is no longer a cause for concern.
58.)you go to the drugstore and the pharmacist looks at you and says "oh only one prescription to refill today."
59.)you have used the bathroom in every McDonalds, gas station and fast food restaurant in a 10 mile radius of your house
60.)you can talk about poop all day and not flinch
61.)you don't go out of the house for long periods of time w/out a massive bottle of imodium just in case
62.)your friends ask you in hushed voices how that stomach thing is going
63.)you keep a detailed journal about what you ate and how it came out
64.)you never leave the house without 2 diaper bags stocked with wipes and a change of clothes... one for the baby and one for you!
65.)you have supplies in the car for "just in case"
66.)you have your bad days... very bad, and you have your good days, but you can keep a sense of humor thru it all and still laugh about poo. :)
67.)You close the windows in summer when using the washroom so as not to disturb the neighbours.......:)
68.)You're allowed to get up from your work station ten times a day, no questions asked and if they are asked.. that person regrets it.
69.)In your 1 bed 1 bath home, you always win the race to the bathroom, no matter what.
70.)People who manage a glimpse into your purse give you strange looks, assuming you're addicted to pills, close friends make sure you remember those pills.
71.)your morning stretches consist of bending over to examine your poo.
72.)If you've ever rushed to a public bathroom only to find each stall occupied, turned around, gone through the door across the hall into the ladies' bathroom and whooshing past a few shocked women on your way to the most beautiful and inviting toilet your eyes have ever beheld.
Crohn's/UC Jokes from ImproveCareNow
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