Lately, I have been analyzing my life. Life with IBD is really “shitty.” I do not go anywhere, if I do I get embarrassed and to make a long story short I miss out on life’s offerings. Missing out has caused lots of tears, depressing, anger and feeling sorry for myself.
Adapting, to home life in the beginning was not easy for my active self. It meant no longer working because they could not quite figure out what was wrong with me and even to this day IBD is a term used loosely. IBD has not been controlled except by steroids. All the drugs they give for IBD I had an allergy to. So steroids helped but they severely depleted my Vitamin D and Calcium levels and I ended up with a few broken bones. So that in turned made me very extreme depressed, plus the healing time from the broken bones was longer. So I got even more upsest at my disease and then that anger turned to feeling sorry for me which lead to a deeper depression.
I would sleep for days without getting up. I would beg my doctor to put me in a mental institution. My feelings were I didn’t want to hurt anyone but I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to run away and I had no place to go. I was a prisoner in my own house. So because I wasn’t going to hurt anyone they prescribed depression medications and psychotherapy.
It did help somewhat but it did not take care of the problem. I had days where I could finally pull myself out of bed and take a shower. Then that led to wandering around the house looking for things to do. After a while I decided this is something I need to live with so I might as well make the best of it. The things that seemed to help were journaling, drawing, painting and relaxation music.
Well let’s say lately I have been getting bored of that and am tired of missing out on life’s pleasures. We are only on this earth once so either “shit or get off the pot!” I decided to get off the pot.
To be continued……..
Shit or get off the pot meaning: An old expression that means to do what you are putting off.
